Things are going really well. At the hesitation of sounding like a negative nancy, I will tread lightly when I say this...
I struggle with feeling our M is tainted. ITs hard to think some days that I forgave a man that could do such things (I had my faults too). I hope I don't find myself here again. On the chance I do I know I will be much more capable of handling life on my own because I know it can be done.
A couple months ago he was saying he thought he wanted a divorce so this abatement was a big weight on my shoulders because it stressed me out wonderig if he would just carry on with it without telling me (he had me served and never told me he filed). But it was only fear. Once we started going to MC I stopped worrying about the abatement because I realized I had backslided on some of my changes. What would be would be and I would be sad but okay regardless of D or not.
As far as my H, Zelda. He shuts down when he is angry. He doesn't talk or communicate and holds things in which is a huge part of how we got here both before Bd and during piecing. I was resentful and no ready to be full on in this M and accepting of what he was offering because I felt I deserved more from him after, gasp, everything he had done. He had to pay his dues. I was only pushing him away. Rather than telling me that he shut down. Did things he knew would hurt me - working at ex boss's (by the way hasn't been there in 6 weeks).
In his defense he was trying to mske money but I also knew he knew what he was doing going there.
I owe a lot of credit to here and our MC. He is no BS and will call H and I both out no problem. Truthfully I don't know exactly what changed.
We communicate better meaning H talks to me more but I'm more receptive to him vs just short Ya no answers. I make more time for him between the boys and work.
