Thanks Vanilla. I am cutting out my wine this week, and I think it's gone some way toward balance. Eating last couple days even though I am not hungry.
Sleep and naps is when I feel worse, it's like a light sleep that is plagued by light dreams of him dating again, us running into each other, us still sleeping beside each other, and then the waking afterwards, it's bad.
Our situation was a bit different in that my H was so very sweet and (genuinely?) thoughtful until I poked him. He never tried to control or twist or any of that psychological/intimidation abuse until he curled into his shell. I must realize I think that there really was nothing I could have done to prevent that, even if I feel like I could have handled better. This may have been the inevitable end, whether he timed or staged or sabotaged or didn't.
Your points about H WANTING to change are well taken - I believe it scares him. Not having the tools and not being able to see the road - and this is why he says 'it will take years' - same story I got this winter.
Life is short, huh? I will go enjoy it I think. Getting out of the house now for a little kickboxing.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
