Thanks, Burger, it is great to know this thread is helpful.

And you too, Alpha. I hope you read my response to Mozza earlier about the "script".

Quote:
May I ask, at what point should one believe what they are being told? I ask because isn't there the chance that although it has been said many times before by many WWs, a particular WW may be right, sincere, and determined in her speech and subsequent actions.


Oh I'm sure there are some things said out of sincerity at that moment, b/c her emotions are leading her all the way. She can be sincerely wrong! She may even be determined, in her WW mindset. She may see it as "right" in her viewpoint. However, bear in mind, she is not being logical/reasonable; she has an extorted viewpoint; she is creating a fantasy; she needs to feel justified; and, she needs you to take the fall for the breakup. However, none of it makes it truth. You have to stay balanced enough that you are able to distinguish what are her emotions talking and what is real truth.

Do you know what is the real truth in your marital history? B/c you cannot measure it by what she says. She may give little pieces here and there, but mostly her accounts are stretched to the outrageous. The H is so shocked and hurt by her words (script) and many simple take it as truth b/c he has had to reason to doubt her before now. She does sound sincere! She does sound determine!

So, you go through the painful self examination and see there is just cause for some feelings she has, and b/c of your own feelings (discussed in my last post) it would be easy for you to believe every word out of her mouth. At the least, you begin to doubt what you knew as true about the MR you had. Am I close?

Just b/c someone else has said the same words does cause it to be a lie. Script does not necessarily mean lies, it just means what she is saying.....when she says it....and the way she says it is extremely common with the WW. Take that fact into consideration.

How do you know at what point you can believe what she tells you? I am not sure in which context you meant, so I will assume you mean as what she says regarding to her plans for the future, b/c the past is in the past and you have a good idea what is true about it. The present and what she speaks of being the future should be based on her actions, behavior and attitude lining up with her words.

For example, If you have a W who says she wants back in the M.........yet she is uncooperative in doing what it takes to reconcile, and her bad attitude is obvious, and she continue with bad behavior........ then be assured, you cannot believe her words.

If you have read what I posted about a process the WW goes through, perhaps you will understand you really cannot place your complete trust in her words. Her actions, behavior, and attitude tells the real truth.

Have I even come close to answering your question?

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!