Like Toots, I don't want to downplay my role in our failed M. I missed (or didn't take seriously) signs W wasn't happy over the years. But despite her unhappiness in the M, she always said our family was the most important thing in the world to her (she came from a broken home). We had so much fun as a family and we we're both pretty excited (I thought) about planning our 15 yr anniversary vacation (she had pages of notes, costs, flights, etc) when she BD'd me. So there was plenty of happiness as a family, but apparently not as much as a couple.
Anyway, I think in my sitch, my W did look to me for her happiness (or unhappiness). To be honest, I looked to her for mine as well. It's not til now, that it's really hit home that we are responsible for our own happiness/feelings. We got married very young and didn't have the proper skills either. However, I do think we are responsible for SUPPORT (emotional, verbal, etc), which in turn contributes heavily to our partner's happiness/unhappiness. At this point I can only envision what my future R(s) would look like, but I see myself being so much more supportive- listening, showing empathy, celebrating achievements...as opposed to 'my day was worse than your day' type comparisons. I know I lacked that skill and as I look back, I think that was the biggest aspect of our M that was missing. If support had been there (from both of us), I think it would have led to more of an emotional connection (=increased happiness).
