I'm so glad you brought up this type of stitch, Toots. I could see how it would be difficult for the LBS, especially when they thought they were doing a pretty good job in their role as a mate.
I have seen (outward observations, obviously) what I considered to be wonderful people, who seemed truly devoted to their H/W in every way, yet they had cheating spouses. Of course, I could not see behind doors, so nobody really knows except the couple themselves.
In reading your post, I remembered one of the first truths that was extremely hard for me to accept, as the WW. That being, my H was not responsible for my happiness. It would take too long to explain, and it makes me look ignorant......and maybe I was, but I think I believed we were responsible for making the S happy. So, that thinking fueled my resentment. I don't mean that I didn't have enough sense to help myself do something about it, but I had always heard that a couple was suppose to make each other happy. Apparently, I took it way out of context.
Not to use this as a cop-out, but back in my growing up years (you know....Leave it to Beaver days) girls were actually taught they were suppose make their H happy and vise versa. Then, of course, the first disagreement my H & I had, I wasn't equipped with the proper skills to deal with it very well (considering I was eighteen).
We see all the time how actions of one spouse can make the other spouse very unhappy. Are we responsible for making them unhappy?
I don't really believe it is quite as cut and dried as some make it sound, so could be interesting to hear others comment.
In keeping with the subject of who is responsible for what, in the MR, what do you all believe? If we can affect the feelings of our S, are we responsible? If not, why? If so, why, and where do you draw the line?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
