FIDO - Changing The Rules - Pt 1

[NH115]

I had an epiphany the other day. Sorry if anyone's eyes glaze over, but I'm an aviation geek. It's how I roll.

When W and I talk, I convey that while I have hopes for our M, I'm ready to handle whatever happens. I'm on fire to continue to improve myself and my life and keep things moving forward, no matter what. I don't feel depressed right now. I'm focused on the things that I can directly control, namely me. She's depressed enough that she finds it hard getting out of bed sometimes...she doesn't understand and is angry that I don't seem as devastated as she does. She takes that as saying I don't care about our M, which is far from the truth. I was struggling to come up with a way to illustrate how I feel.

It hit me the other day after flying with a student. We had been up practicing what to do if the engine quits in cruise flight. I asked him, "what's your first order of business in an emergency?". "Pitch for best glide speed?", he said. I answered "No". "Switch fuel tanks?". "No".

I finally said, "The first order of business in any emergency is to fly the airplane." You can follow all the checklist procedures perfectly, but if you lose control of the aircraft, it won't matter. If you keep control of the airplane all the way to the ground, then your chances of survival go up dramatically.

After that it hit me that this was a good metaphor for how I'm trying to handle my sitch. Our M has thrown a rod; there's nothing I can do directly to fix it in-flight (magic words or appeals to reason to "snap her out of it"). I can follow the emergency procedures (DR/DB), but that's secondary. Ultimately I have to keep control of the "airplane" (my life), through GAL, self-improvement, and moving forward, so I can survive the inevitable end state of my sitch. I have hope that the end will be reconciliation, but hoping won't make it happen. This thing may end with my M battered beyond repair, with D the only option, or it may end with a reconciliation. Either way, if I keep control of what I can control, namely my own life and own journey, I'll survive.