For the Newcomer LBH who has a wayward wife Part 2

[NH115]

Sandi, we've talked many times about this, but I'm still having trouble getting my head around it. I'm posting here instead of my thread so it'll benefit more people.

What are your thoughts on a WW who is no longer in an A? My W cut off her A three months ago; she'll be the first to admit that OM is still in her head too much, but I'm confident she's pulling her weight on NC.

But she's still wayward; she can be verbally disrespectful, openly worrying about her dating prospects, asking why men don't want her (when I'm sitting right there). A lot of the time she can discuss rationally, and we can talk openly about what led us here to our current situation. I was treated to a 36-hour spew session last week, where absolutely everything that was wrong was all my fault. When she finally came down I said that we needed to S. I can't make that happen quite yet but it's still on the table.

That triggered an immediate turnaround in her behavior. The spew stopped. This week she has (IMHO) made a more concerted effort to live "as if". OM is in town and I haven't heard a peep out of her about him, which I know is an attempt on her part to get him back in the "friend zone" and get him back to the place he was before, when he was just another regular guest.
I roll my eyes at the friend zone thing but I won't micromanage how she handles things, as long as she sticks to boundaries.

She's asked several times in the last few days how I feel about her and us. I've said that I hope we can work things out, but I'm no longer as convinced as I was that it's possible, which is true. What I've tried to convey to her is that I only want to be married to someone who wants to be my W 100%. 100% committed, 100% faithful, 100% intimate.

On balance I'd say she's trying, but there's still a lot to work through. There hasn't been any sex for a while, but I've stopped trying to initiate or even mention it. I'm prepared to turn her down if and when she attempts to initiate. That'll be a 180 for sure!

I guess I'm not sure how to modulate behavior towards her now that I feel like she's putting in some effort. I don't want to let her back too easy, but I'm not sure that full on detach, Stockdale, GAL, moving on mode is really appropriate here anymore.