Thank you everyone for your words and advice ... and yes I completely agree.
Looks like its time for a new thread but I want to adress the concerns here .... like you all I see it. Patience is not me strong suit but man has this whole thing really tested/developed more than I thought I would ever possess. AJ and Ur you both have been with me in the trenches this entire time and you know I would be giving you sloppy drunk wet "i love you man" kisses if you were within range! You both are right, and all except the spew night I really have stayed detached and have not sucked in going into this with more of a feeling ... hoping it all works out provided she does the work but having that solid inner strength of realizing I am good without her and I will be just fine if it doesn't, I can not tell you how much THAT alone helps and has me very calm and relaxed at the moment.
I still feel strong and am just observing what is going on ... between me and this board I am very guarded and just taking things one step at a time knowing she still has so much more work to do. I honestly think she hit a point where none of the 'fixes' were working, OM, new friends, trying the nightlife, all those things still have not made her happy and now she is starting to verbalize that she knows happiness resides inside her she is just not sure how to get it, and as she put it she needs time and has alot of trash to sort through and get rid of.
Bea and Ur ... the part about S ... ok that makes sense, it made my ears perk up like a German Sheppard, I have read so many people's stories here and see the kids acting out and having a rough time ... my S ... well he HATES the extended travel time but other than that he really has dealt with it about as good as I could ask for, he and I have such an amazing bond, something that I do actually fear will be somewhat changed if this thing does actually pan out ... its a long ways down the road but I thought about it last night after I made him some soup for his upset stomach ... I asked him if that helped, he hugged me and said "Yup ... best Dad ever" .... yeah .. you will not pry that memory from me for as long as I live.
