Don't beat yourself down. You are an amazing woman and DBier. You have been growing, learning and is doing a lot for yourself right now.
Congrats on the job, you deserve it.
Just remember that at some point we all hit the wall. It's an agony thinking of all the "why", but patient is the right answer here, even if it hurt the most.
I agree with the comments you got here. If you get to that point you want to D, then you get a L and serve him the papers, that's all. The note you wrote shows only passive aggression, what was probably the way you were feeling at the moment you wrote it.
It's very annoying that your H did not answered you yet. But, I also remember that you said he does not like to resolve big issues, and this is probably the biggest one he has had in his life.
I hope and pray that you have the strength to keep doing what you have been doing. It's great for you and somehow fill the empty space that hurt so much.
My heart goes out to you Toots... remember no news, no bad news.
