I begged her to call all this off (I know guys, I know) because I love her and just want this to end. It's not like we've only been married for 2 years and they've been bad - we had 20 years together before that. I can't think of a single good moment in my life that she either wasn't there for or was part of and it's heartbreaking to see that she's happier and better off without me. She didn't say a lot, apart from that she couldn't stop this. I asked because I'm desperate.
I don't know if I should put this or not but I found myself thinking this morning (not for the first time) if my life insurance policy will pay out in the event of my suicide. My W and kids will get a large sum of money and the house gets paid for. I don't want to die, but the thoughts of losing the only woman i've ever loved, my home, and all my dreams for the future are overwhelming. It's only thoughts of the kids that stop me.
I miss my W and family, and I'm so tired guys.
Barry- Forgive me for just jumping in on your thread - and I know plenty of others have already posted to you already, but your post has been bothering me all morning and I want to share a personal experience with you.
When I was a teenager, my best friend's father, who was a colonel in the Air Force, was found to have been cheating on his wife with a subordinate. He and his wife went through hell for about 5 months and then she finally forgave him and chose to reconcile. At that moment the Air Force decided to court martial him and the outcome at best, would have been dishonorable discharge, which would have severely impacted his ability to get a job. So, at least primarily because of the finances, he killed himself before that could happen.
His wife and two daughters have never really gotten over it. My friend, who was a sparkling, joyous person (and the class valedictorian) has never come close to reaching her potential. The suicide casts a pall on her children as well. It is an aching sadness and shadow that grievously affected my lovely friend and that has now been passed on to a second generation.
Oh- and it affected me too. Even as a bystander.The ripples from something like this stretch to places you would never imagine. I was very close to them and I respected him so much. I happen to work very near to what used to be the AFB he was stationed at, and I never pass it without thinking of him and what a tragic, stupid and unnecessary loss it was.
Please, please, do not consider inflicting this pain on your children or your W.
Barry - you'll get through the money problems. You will. I know quite a few people who lost everything in the recession and have dusted themselves off and rebuilt their lives. You can do the same.
I sincerely hope that what you wrote was just a brief moment of intense pain and that it has now passed.
