Part 17 - Edz, living in interesting times

[edz]

Afternoon all

Yup noggin is being tested but ticking along. Its incredibly tempting to fire off texts or emails like a machine gun right now but I know well enough thats not whats needed here. W will contact me or an opportunity to contact her in a non pursuing way will arise (after all will be contacting her to pick up s on friday or saturday and its wednesday today!). I have a hundred questions and points I'd love to talk over. Many things we decided we'd love to do together that we could pursue but, ah BUT, w hasnt signed on as yet.

All her conversation was bookended with not counting us in not counting us out like an escape clause but everying, everything else we talked about pointed to her considering a slow return. Jokingly asking me did I know hitmen (MIL) considering eloping, reacting well to my replies to her questions where I said I wanted us to enjoy ourselves as a family and a couple with various activities (wine tasting etc we'd tried years ago) - this was a long set of talking on Sunday - none of it pointed to a divorce petition. But ... she's not signed on yet and I need to respect that and continue to tread carefully, slowly and not make her feel that the old suffocating me is even around anymore let alone stalking her.

So patience and detatchment are the keywords here, frustrating and tormenting as that is. So I focus on getting on as always, not a bad idea anyway as Im convinced a reconciliation and new relationship with w would be based on exactly this kind of space and respect for her time and letting her get on.

GAL, well today is boring practicalities Im afraid, shops, food, washing tablets all the bits I dont get a chance to do (or would bore s silly with) at the weekends. Then cooking spicy pork with chillis, peppers and rice tonight with wine!

Tomorrow is swimming and possibly gym, may even treat myself to the spa bath if theres time (and its open)

Friday depends on whether s wants to go to his card event and/or is up to anything else, then its the weekend again.

1:1 was what I thought a check in and change of team leaders. Asked for feedback got told its all positive keep doing what Im doing although both he and I want me to get into some longer, deeper projects as Im firefighting many teams and many developers right now which is frustrating and a little dull. IM'd my collegues to apologies they have to work with me a little longer, got several lols back. No more money Im afraid, after tax got a 0.75% one this year, better than a poke with a stick.

Thanks Toots, s has always been a little emotional and at times can get very wound up. I made some things worse with my depression pre-db but thats much better now. Insofar as changes happening right now, as I said to w on Monday, the behaviour and him being blue has been happening *before* the last weekends events but I think from what he's said to me when he's stayed at the house he does feel "in the middle" of it to a degree. I've reinforced repeatedly, calmly and with love that w & i will always love him and he shouldnt worry or feel upset about things but if if he does he should ask w or I to talk and we will.

Ah the watch, its my Raymond Weil swiss one. W bought it for me for my 30th and its spend a fair chunk of the past years in its box on my dresser. Not least because I got too fat to wear its slim frame. I found it a few weeks back and decided its far too wonderful to spend its life there so decided to have a new battery fitted as it now fits and will suit me. If I get to wear it with w all the better, if not well its still a wonderful watch! If I'd had it re-waterproofed it would have been over £100, unfortunately I dont think I'd trust the local shoe shop with it!