Confused 3

[Joe46]

No need to apologize V. I am so grateful for your help. You have such a nice way of looking at things.

As to what things I can change right now and which ones I can save for later, here goes.:)

I will praise her for the cleaning or the good job selling things from home. If she decides to get a normal job, I will support and encourage her.

I have been thanking her for the small things she is doing lately. Just a nice "thank you".

Of course the cuddling, hugging and I Love You's are on hold until job has changed and work is done on her end also. Boundary for me, " I will not be intimate while W is participating in this type of lifestyle"

I have begun to be more positive when I walk in the door. I am working toward asking about her day, but do not want to hear about her job. I am acknowledging her when I walk in and taking the conversations slowly.

I am sharing things with everybody. Not being a TV hog. Sharing snacks I bought.

We are communicating about everything with kids. Both positive and negative. I am listening when she speaks. I am not controlling the conversation. I have noticed she does not look at me much when we talk anymore. Don't know if me looking her in the eye is making her nervous or something else.

I have also established another boundary for me. I WILL NOT lie about her job. If asked, I will say they need to ask W. And leave it at that. I struggled with lying to family and friends through all this. I did not like the feeling of lying to them. It goes against me and what I believe in.

I am also taking my children to church on Sunday. D has been showing interest in God and I think it is time for her to learn. We pray every night before bed.

I wish Sandi's 37 was on here so I could print it out. It is in a quote format when you click on the tread.

Answers to a couple of your questions,

If wife said "no" to cuddling, I would not get upset or take it personal. Sometimes people are not in the mood to be touched.

Argument we had recently about bed times for the kids, I compromised by allowing them to stay up to a certain time, but they have to read. No tablets or phones. W was very mad one morning because D was S tired. I remained calm, did not get defensive and saw her point of view. I acknowledged her being upset and compromised on the solution.

How am I doing V? Any suggestions?