It feels so hard but just let HER talk, validate (you don't have to agree). You know what the only true way is into a women's heart? I talked to my DB coach with this. It's TRULY listening and understanding her. This is a lot to ask for most men. But once you can truly detach from your own thoughts, you will be able to purely focus on what she has to say. Women are sensitive creatures. What I want to say is that you should just focus on what she has to say, don't get INVOLVED in the R talk. Stand for what you believe in, be consistent, listen...then get away from the discussion with integrity.
Complex, I agree with ALL of this ^^^^, and it is to be sure the PREFERABLE way to handle the interactions. Validation is a powerful tool, and one that especially us men need to work on. However, if one cannot yet control their emotional reactivity to conversations with a wayward spouse, I would advise them to avoid the convos altogether. It's better not to have validated, in my opinion, than to have been drawn into yet-another R talk and then handle it poorly. Until Alpha can get his DBing sea legs under him more consistently, I'd rather see him avoid these convos with his wife altogether, by saying "We'll talk about this later," and ending it, and perhaps even considering using a trusted third party for all child exchanges.
