Being deceived by WAW, in need of some coaching

[skr4luv]

As a newbie I posted in the newcomer section but I haven't received any advice on there yet, so I'll move her hoping to find some helpful coaches.

Pardon me if I appear to be impatient, but during these times, every second feels like an hour and I really need to find a good plan asap.

You can read all the boring details in my first thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2550514&page=1


But let me try to summarize:

We married young and have 2 sons. Our R started where my W was
basically the chaser. I'm guilty of showing little affection
and admiration as years went on. I wanted to change but didn't
know how, as she was changing just like me.
When she told me we had to do something about our M, I was all
for it. Strangely my feelings of love returned for her.

Shortly after she admitted she has found an OM.
I began chasing, pleading, talking sense into her. But she kept
lying about where she's going and often times not return after
a day or two. She would act as if she would reconcile and stop
the A to keep my quiet, just to grab the next opportunity to
see him again. When I had enough I told her we can get separated, and I basically went dark.

A week later she asked me if I still wanted to work things out. That was the first time, where the idea of reconciling came from her. Of course I agreed. Since then, she stopped going on night outs, no sleep overs, but she's still texting the guy and I
suspect that she still sees him just for a short time, maybe
slipping out of her office like she has done before.

I'm pretty sure that her main reason for "reconciling" is due to convinience and financial reasons. I told her if we get S,
I have to move to SE Asia (our motherland) for a couple months,
just to get myself together. In doing that, I can come back and
be much more effecting in co-parenting our kids and going on
with our new situation.

Sometimes I find it hard to read my W because ever since the A
we are showing more affection towards each other. More holding
hands, kisses, more conversations. I read other situations her
on this board where the couple hardly have any communication even when living under the same roof. But then again, I'm sure she turns to her phone to have sweet chats with the OM and
listening and singing to love songs that remind her of him.


Now I'm not sure about my gameplan:

I know I can't control her. Do I still "force" her to go NC?
Will that not push her more towards OM?

If I do a 180, does it mean do I have to be the opposite of
what I've been in the majority of our R pre A? So if I was
neglecting her emotionally, is this the time to show her how
important she really is to me?
She has mentioned to me a couple times, how sweet the OM is,
how much he's into her etc etc... and is basically wanting me
to become like that.

I read the lighthouse story. Now that my W appears to have
slowed down the A, should I just sit and wait?