Yesterday was my son's 7th Birthday. She didn't call all day ( he was with me). I invited her to my place for a family dinner, she was supposed to be there around 4. She came at 5:45, barely talked to our S, and was out the door at a quarter to 6. She spent the majority of the time talking to my Mom and cousin or texting on her phone. What kind of a Mother does that?
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
I meant to say she left at a quarter to 7. She was here barely an hour, spent most of the time talking to other people. At one point she came up and put her arm around me and made a comment about our children. Another point she came up and gave me a long hug, it was all for show.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
ET, stop focusing on her. I know it [censored] big time, but stop with mind reading and stop factoring her into any and all equations, because if you count on her, then you have certain expectations and when these are not met, then you set yourself up for heartache. Learn not to have any expectations of her and trust me, you'll be better off for it. Just live your life without her around.
And no, do not invite her to a family dinner, dude, that is pressure on her and that is a NONO. Plus as I mentioned it built up your expectations, so you were disappointed when she arrived late and left early. Do not try to play family with her, her mind is elsewhere and no, she will not simply snap out of it when she sees you and your son.
And don't try to "punish" her in any way, karma will take care of that. Just try to let go of your anger and be the best dad and person you can be. Let that be your revenge...
Thank you Vapo. The ONLY reason she was even invited, is because I know it would have crushed my son not to see his Mom on his Birthday. He is taking this whole divorce really hard. He was so excited she was here, but I could quickly see that it moved onto sadness when she all but ignored him. She hasn't seen/spoken to the kids since Sunday. Initially, she was going to come over early, I was going to continue getting the house in order, work on dinner, etc while she spent some time with the kids, guess it was not part of her plan.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
I guess my WW has been obsessed with my life lately. She asked my cousin (whom she is friends with) what I have been up to, since I do not text/call her directly (unless it has to do with the kids). I do think the 180/GAL has been making me more attractive to her, but she herself has said "I know you are making big changes, but I don't believe any of it, I think it's all for show". What is the next step people?
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Next step: be consistent with your changes. That's how she'll believe them one day. Read T0324's recent posts where she explains how it happened with her H.
Your changes are so fresh, she is still right. It takes time to really change and not backslide at the first opportunity. You have the gift of time. Realize that successful stitches take some 12-24 months. You're some one month into yours.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I am a few months into mine. She moved out V-Day, but I started the process in January.
The problem is Mozza, we have 1-1 1/2 Divorce Mediations left. Then it's done.
I keep have a reaccuring dream, that we are about to sign the papers and we end up talking in the hallway and postpone it. Instead we spend a month trying to "fix" things, but in the process we move out of town closer to her folks (which are now on "my" side) and start over, going to counseling and eventually renewing our vows for a "new" marriage, leaving the old one behind us.
I don't know. Some days I think I can't live without her, other days I know I can. I guess it's all part of the process.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Oh, because after our last mediation, the paperwork goes to the courts and we are divorced. In my mind, that is the finale, like we won't get back together after that.
For the last 4 months I have been standing at the crossroads and I have no choice on which direction I go. To the left, is divorce. To the right is reconciliation. It's her decision on what we do or where we go.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Oh, because after our last mediation, the paperwork goes to the courts and we are divorced. In my mind, that is the finale, like we won't get back together after that.
Oh. Have you read the success stories? Do you understand that D is just a step and not the end of the road? R happens before and after D. There are also remarriages. This being said, it's your choice. You can decide that it's over when the D papers are signed. In general, we don't advocate for a deadline around here. And regardless of when any step occurs, it takes months and months for changes to take hold and be believed by the WAS, so it would take a long time. There's no way to just rush things because you have few mediation sessions left. Play the cards you're dealt.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
