Alpha - the future is now!

[alpha99]

W seems happy. Said she'd dealt with it over recent months. Said yeah, it's hard but there's nothing I (she) can do. Only wants to be amicable for kids...NOTHING ELSE.

R talk stemmed from parenting and trust issues. Hard to keep the two separate. She seems to have detached completely. Every time I see her I think of how much I love her. Moments together like in the cinema feel almost normal. I know they're not.

Kids are happy in their new house. Oh how I miss them.

W reluctance to let me in house was due to her knowing I'd get upset. She was right. Long talk covered a lot but really confirmed her deep resentment of me. Everything in her eyes is my fault. Her parents werent at our wedding, they werent around when our kids were born, I nagged her over shutting doors, turning lights off, spending money, had tight control over finances, she couldn't buy clothes, make up, called her nasty names, grinder her down etc etc. Why would anyone want to go back to that. They wouldn't. I'm changing. Those things would be so different. TOO LITTLE TOO LATE.

I'm not giving up. She did say she'd like to get on to point we can go on days out as a family. If we reach that point she may start to soften if I get things right. She said she deserves someone who'll treat her like a princess. She does. What a fool I am.