It’s been a while in-between updates – last one almost 6 months ago. I went through a period of not visiting the site as much, but have checked in from time to time.
Updates from me:
Positives:
- Time with D3 is lovely. It can feel desperate at times – sort of too short a bit weird being a single ‘daddie’. But I love her very much and our time together. - I didn’t get the job I applied for in September. However, I resolved to keep looking and what looks like a good role came up at another place. I applied and got it! It seems like it will be more engaging and an opportunity learn more. This is really important to me and I’m pleased. I’m in “quarantine” for a month as a work for a regulator, but keeping busy with other projects - I dated an attractive girl over the Christmas period. It didn’t last too long, as she wasn’t right, and I wasn’t exactly ready for it either – felt guilty about how it was compatible with getting back with my WAW. It was a nice experience though, insofar as I felt attractive and could start to see alternative realities. - I am still enjoying fitness and my family in my hometown. I’d like to meet more people and am trying to get myself “out there”.
Challenges:
- Not long after the 2 year anniversary, my WAW sent me an email saying she wanted to have a divorce and would send me the forms. I replied that “it was not what I wanted, but I wouldn’t stand in her way.” She gave me the forms a few weeks ago, and intend to sign them this week. - This week she sent me an email saying that she was seeing someone else and was going away with him for Easter. The positive was that she offered me extra time with D3. But it did/does hurt. On the other hand, I hope that she can find some perspective or happiness from it too. As she’s not engaged basically since she left me, I’ve been quite unsure of her journey, and I took on a lot of guilt and blame in an attempt to fix things. It’s true that I was responsible for a lot of our problems (verbal abuse is just a killer), but there were also things she did too lack of boundary setting, inability to communicate her emotions. We both didn’t acknowledge we had problems, and I, at least, have been willing to do that – alas perhaps too late. I’m proud that I’ve tried very hard for 2 years to repair myself and the marriage. I can’t control WAW and I am/will be much stronger and better as a result. I’m grateful for the DR book and this site that promotes rising above things and positivity. - I still have mixed feelings about being here/working here/ what I walked away from in London and having time with D3. It made a lot of sense when getting back together was my focus. Now that seems further away than ever, this issue has come at me again. My current thought is to stay for D3, and hope for the best for the new job and time to give me an informed perspective.
In sum, my life is still full of challenges and I continue to worry/be afraid at times – particularly as it concerns D3 and/or the future. But I’m getting much better at dealing with it and being nicer to myself and others.
As increasing my acceptance in the latest phase, I plan to enrol in a ‘Widowed, separated and divorced’ support group when it starts again in May.
