Well dejavu2 - My H did run before he found out that the cancer had returned and after he found out it returned - he didn't run any harder, he just doesn't care.
He really doesn't deal well with someone else in pain - stranger or family. My mom had once gone bicycling with our children and my H and she fell off the bike. He just held onto the bike and laughed at my mom. My children and a stranger had come to her aid as well as some park rangers. He just laughed and jokingly scolded her for not watching where she was going. After the attention from the strangers, he called me to come quickly and pick her up. He seemed concerned when he called and then only showed his concern when sooo many others were there.
All checked out okay and she recovered but her view of my H was of disappointment. Why didn't he help her initially?
So what does this say about H? Does he run away from pain cuz he doesn't know what to do with it? Probably.
I know that any time I cried or was upset - he would leave the room and not want to console me. Yet, the previous OW (the one who he had an affair with 5 yrs ago) wrote an email -back when he and I were reconciling -that said she missed him. She missed that he called her beautiful and kissed her when she was upset or crying?! He never did that with me? And I was with him for over 20 yrs?!
Who does this stuff? I believe he's narcissistic.
"Narcissistic husbands are very often extremely controlling and manipulative. Withholding affection and attention is one way to control you, but they can also be verbally cruel and take pleasure from provoking you with hurtful words because they find it entertaining. Many narcissistic husbands are prone to ranges and tantrums, rather like a toddler. It is a form of attention seeking, and just like a spoiled child, any attention is good, even if it involves making you cry.
A refusal to accept responsibility is a classic trait of a narcissistic husband. No matter what goes wrong, it will never be their fault. They will be quick to blame you for their failures, even when the finger of blame is pointing squarely at them.
Many narcissistic husbands are also pathological liars. They will try and manipulate you with a complex web of lies and half truths. Their highly selective memory will filter out the truth and they will probably accuse you of being at fault. Narcissistic men will lie about everything in an attempt to justify their behavior, but if you dare to question their version of the truth, they will probably lash out in anger or come up with an even more absurd lie to explain away the inconsistencies in their story." - whatispsychology.net/narcissistic-husband-traits
My analysis but from what I read on these boards and from my situation this is who he is. Whether or not the cancer was a factor is not even an issue for him. Cuz to him - he was done.
Oh well - his loss! H may never really get it and that's ok. I don't need to worry about him. I do worry for my children. Don't want them to follow their Dad's way of dealing with life. Praying that the Lord will protect them - always!
God is good.all the time!!!
Thanks LoisB for the the great messages of hope. I CAN do this! GOOD thoughts and focus on the Lord!
Today was 2nd round chemo. So far ok. The benadryl they gave me really works. When I got home, I went for a mile and half walk in the sunshine. It was good. I helped my children finish their school work. Then showered, grabbed something to eat and feel good.
Praise God! Thank you everyone for your prayers. They help me so much. I know God has this! I will keep up the good fight.
BklyMom and 123Gwen Thank you for the good messages!
She made me cry too vge! (happy tears) Thank you Heather
Originally Posted By: vge1
We are all together in this fight
Yes we are - ALL of us together.
Originally Posted By: vge1
BTW -I just feel tired. I fasted before and after treatment which I think helped me not get nauseated. Whew! Praying next week will go smooth. Thanks for asking y'all. AND THANK Y'ALL Sooo much for your thoughts and prayers. LOVE Y'ALL!
Yes, have heard of fatigue - quite exhausting. Hope that next week will go smoothly for you too vge
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Today was 2nd round chemo. So far ok. The benadryl they gave me really works. When I got home, I went for a mile and half walk in the sunshine. It was good. I helped my children finish their school work. Then showered, grabbed something to eat and feel good.
Praise God! Thank you everyone for your prayers. They help me so much. I know God has this! I will keep up the good fight.
Just read this!!1 How wonderful vge! You can do this! Take care, p
Last edited by pbetra; 03/25/1510:01 PM.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Hey, vge! You sound like you are doing well. You are so strong. I really admire that.
I just wanted to add that I could totally relate to your post about narcissistic husband. I did a little bit of research on it, and I have got to say, it moved me along a little more in the detachment area. Just a thought. Not that I want to spend much more time focusing on him, but once I had a better understanding, I focused more on recovering from it. Made me a little stronger.
What is most important is that you do focus on yourself. Whatever will keep you strong and healthy. Seems like you are honoring yourself in this way. Good for you. I hope your kids are well, too!
Hi vge, I can relate to what you are going through. My GF went through the surgery and chemo for breast cancer, which also had metastases some. It was 5 years ago. I was there with her for 3 of her chemo treatments and the weekends after that. I witnessed firsthand all that she had to go through. She was divorced at the time and was a single Mom of an 8-year old. We had the support system for her on the website. A lot of her friends stepped up to help with the food and other stuff. She is doing great now!
I wish you to continue to fight the disease and stay strong. You are doing great. Sending you the positive thoughts. I’ve been thinking of you, even though I don’t post much.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
You are such a strong lady. I don't think you realize how amazingly strong and resilient you are in the midst of this storm. Praying for you each and every day.
Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
