Should i expose the affair, or?

[MrBond]

"I was never a bad husband, never abusive, always trying to provide as much as i could for my wife and family."

That's not entirely true. In fact, you wrote in your very first post about how she wanted more attention from you but you used your work as an excuse as to why you couldn't. Bottom line is that you chose your work over your W. I get it that you were the primary breadwinner, but there could have been some give and take.

In fact, you wrote ... "my work required me to travel 3-4 days a week for close to 6 months, and my wife, who wasn't working at all anymore, was going through post partum. I was so focused on doing well with my job, when we did talk, it turned into the blame game. Me for not being there for her, and her for not understanding as the sole bread winner that i had to travel to keep my job."

A woman with post partum is a BIG thing. It was you more not understanding her than her not understanding you. Remember, there are some women who can go into such a deep depression that they actually harm their kids.

In fact, you were EXTREMELY lucky that your W told you over and over again that she was lonely but you didnt' understand. Many people here have had their WAS just leave with no explanation. Yours did. You wrote ... "Over those 7 years, on multiple occasions, my wife would pull me aside, and express her loneliness. At first by telling me how she felt, but then each subsequent time, blaming me for not paying attention to her, and that our marriage was a bad one, and i was a bad husband to her. This would eventually lead to making up, and some effort to spend more time together,"

The problem was that you were EXPECTING her to reward you for something that should have been natural. "but the small things i did weren't ever really noticed, as for her it was an all or nothing scenario. "how can i focus on the small things when our marriage is so bad", etc...."

Going over your history, she was right.

"I never checked out intentionally, as i love my wife dearly, but i admit now that i often didn't try because of her temper and anger towards me,"

But it didn't sound like you ever solved the root of her anger and resentment.

"along with never getting any positive re-inforcement for the things i did try to change or do."

Nor should you expect positive re-enforcement. You either do it because you want to or you don't. In an ideal relationship, there's a perfect give and take. In real life, that VERY rarely exists.

"I only went to bed WITH her, maybe once or twice a month at most, often working, or doing other things until 1-2am before crawling into bed with her. "

Both of you never did resolve your issues and I'm not sure you entirely learned how to resolve your side of things.

I may have missed it, but did you ever learn about how to make a M successful and communicate correctly in a M instead of concentrating solely on your W's EA?

It just seems that the more you concentrate and fixate on your W's A, it's piling onto the resentment you already had for her before all this started.