Just got back into my office ... W has been a little chatty via TM. Looked at my emails and there was a confirmation for our mediation date from Shannon ... then W replied with
Dear Shannon,
Thank you for the email. Cali and I have been in discussion and would like to let you know that we have decided to work on our marriage, most especially as it has impacted our son greatly.
I would like to thank you foryour team’s hard work to date. Hopefully, we are able to come out of this stronger and not require your services.
Not sure about the " impacted our son greatly." part .... but it is a step towards fixing the M.
Two thumbs up, Cali! 'Stay the course'...Love reading about some successes, good stories, amid all the destruction and sorrow on this board. You got this.
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
It's important Cali. Stay focused. There's a test (or many as it were)
But if you stay focused and detached, you'll either know when to be less detached or you'll remain detached. Important either way. It's a marathon and not a sprint, as much as it feels (for all concerned) like it should be a sprint. Like it should come without work.
What's for dinner?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hey Luke. Couple of things. So, the spew...part of the push/pull stuff. She got closer so she had to pull back some.
She said that about your son because they reconnect last to the spouse.
This is a long, tough road, sweetie. I caution you again to tread lightly or you get pulled in.
Stay the course.
She has a lot of work to do. You cant do it for her. This has to be on her. You will know if she is really in this for the long haul.
Keep doing what you were doing. I can see you mindreading a bit. Ok, that was a really padded, soft 2 x4, yeah? I'm watching closely, so, dont expect those all the time. Hee hee.
Thank you everyone for your words and advice ... and yes I completely agree.
Looks like its time for a new thread but I want to adress the concerns here .... like you all I see it. Patience is not me strong suit but man has this whole thing really tested/developed more than I thought I would ever possess. AJ and Ur you both have been with me in the trenches this entire time and you know I would be giving you sloppy drunk wet "i love you man" kisses if you were within range! You both are right, and all except the spew night I really have stayed detached and have not sucked in going into this with more of a feeling ... hoping it all works out provided she does the work but having that solid inner strength of realizing I am good without her and I will be just fine if it doesn't, I can not tell you how much THAT alone helps and has me very calm and relaxed at the moment.
I still feel strong and am just observing what is going on ... between me and this board I am very guarded and just taking things one step at a time knowing she still has so much more work to do. I honestly think she hit a point where none of the 'fixes' were working, OM, new friends, trying the nightlife, all those things still have not made her happy and now she is starting to verbalize that she knows happiness resides inside her she is just not sure how to get it, and as she put it she needs time and has alot of trash to sort through and get rid of.
Bea and Ur ... the part about S ... ok that makes sense, it made my ears perk up like a German Sheppard, I have read so many people's stories here and see the kids acting out and having a rough time ... my S ... well he HATES the extended travel time but other than that he really has dealt with it about as good as I could ask for, he and I have such an amazing bond, something that I do actually fear will be somewhat changed if this thing does actually pan out ... its a long ways down the road but I thought about it last night after I made him some soup for his upset stomach ... I asked him if that helped, he hugged me and said "Yup ... best Dad ever" .... yeah .. you will not pry that memory from me for as long as I live.
