Much better day at MC (mediation) today. I can tell that the MC tells her to 'tell him a story about the kids' to break the ice. He's told me the same thing.
Anyway, we actually had a reasonable conversation. It was the first time in a while, that when she didn't agree with something, she didn't throw spew back at me. She actually admitted about some 'good' things about me when we were together. I saw that W's body language has huge changes based on the topic. Anything about how the sitch impacts lives/kids/feelings she hunches her shoulders and won't make eye contact with anyone. It used to show as anger, but now its almost like disappointment, sadness, IDK.
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Talked about some logistics, taxes, summer camp, etc. I said we needed to put more $$ in our joint account for summer camp and she said that money was 'tight.' I asked why she's still paying into her house and half of my house's mortgage. She said, because we don't have an agreement yet. (I actually think its because of trying to show she's not liable for abandonment)
We actually talked about how our parenting is so different right now. It was a conversation about how the only feedback I get is things that daycare tells me. There was something that daycare told me that was very un-like W's parenting when we were together. W kind of nodded and said she was working on discipline, that she realizes that I 'took care of that' and she needed to do something now she's by herself. It was slight 'physical' discipline I heard and I said that I was fine with that, but that's why we need to talk about things because finding out from D4 to daycare to me could have really been blown out of proportion. It's easier and better to just talk about that stuff with each other
We talked about Easter and W said 'what are you doing about that' I said 'Well, its a Sunday and that's your day. I'm not happy about it; but that will be your time with them. Just like S5's birthday is on a Saturday.' W then wouldn't make eye contact with me. I said, 'I'd like to get to the point that we could both be there for them on days like that, but I know we need to do that at your pace' W said 'I know' and still wouldn't look up.
In the end, MC said that it looked like we were doing really good communicating and asked what we thought. I saw W then wouldn't make eye contact with anyone again and said "I guess I don't want to go backwards from the conversation today and hopefully we can keep them like this" I said "I know, I feel like we went backwards over the last couple weeks. I think the more communication we have like this the better"
W walked out and we were talking with each other, but then she made a B-line to the bathroom (her way of avoiding walking into the parking lot with me)
--Overall, I see that the anger on both of our side has died down. She didn't throw any spew at me and when I said something that wasn't in total agreement with her, she didn't fire back spew.
--W is not looking good. She always would be nice and 'put together' for work and I see she's not wearing much make-up and her hair is hastily thrown in a bun. This seems to be a standard for her now
--Mind-reading, but I think I see that W is filled with guilt, sadness, something and will just look down and not look up. Almost like she's ready to cry or something. This is happening when there's something that comes up about us being 'in this situation'
--She mentioned how 'Conversations like this may help you feel better about an agreement.' Not sure how to read into this, but a) she realizes that the path we were on was not working or b) trying to get me spun up or c) understands that she needs for me to build trust in her with the kids
--I was feeling a little confident and when we were talking about how this communication was 'better' I asked her to not 'throw out things that make me get defensive' she asked 'like what' I said 'When you say I'm withholding the kids from seeing you' This was her favorite when I didn't agree with some arrangement with the kids. She said 'I didn't say that today' I said, 'yes I know, thank you.'
Maybe the last couple weeks did turn a corner or something. I don't know, I count today as a good day for the kids......
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
