Trying to Follow DB & DR

[MrBond]

"That's one of my frustrations with the books.
To me it seems like you're either in column A or column B. "

No you're just not reading them correctly. The principle of DB is to concentrate on yourself and not on your spouse. The primary reason being that you can't control your spouse's actions, only your own.

So in terms of your personal goals as an example. When I mention the controlling, there are many ways of controlling things. Do you get upset when things don't go your way? Do you give up? Do you get angry, if a situation is outside of your control? etc.

Then you start managing those things. If someone is "controlling", then it will show in other aspects of your life and not just your spouse.

Like with the going back to church. There must have been something you felt would make your life better by getting closer to God, or whatever. That's also GAL. Rebuild yourelf mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually and you'll come out a better person.