More gems..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is impossible to set boundaries without setting consequences. If you are setting boundaries in a relationship, and you are not yet at a point where you are ready to leave the relationship then don't say that you will leave. Never state something that you are not willing to follow through with. To set boundaries and not enforce them just gives the other person an excuse to continue in the same old behavior. For example: “If you call me names I will confront you about your behavior each and every time and will share my feelings with you. I will not tolerate verbal abuse. If you continue this behavior, I will weigh my options, including leaving this relationship. I do not deserve this and I will not put up with it any longer”.
“If you continue to break your plans with me by not showing up or calling me at the last minute to cancel, I will confront you about this behavior and share my feelings. If this behavior continues, I will consider it to mean that you do not respect me or this relationship and I will have no contact with you for a month, until we can both evaluate and figure out our priorities. If I chose to get back in touch with you, and the behavior continues, we will no longer be in any type of relationship together”.
“When I ask you what is wrong, and you say “nothing”, but then proceed to slam doors or kick the wall, and seem to be angry, I feel angry or frustrated that you refuse to communicate properly with me as if I am supposed to read your mind. If something is bothering you, I will trust you to let me know after you have spent some time cooling off alone. If you continue to punish me with your silence or fits, I will tell you how it makes me feel. If this behavior continues, I will weigh my options for this relationship. I do not deserve this type of behavior and will not put up with it any longer”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I understand that you think you are better than others. I think that someday you will see that we are all equal.”
“We are all doing our best, all the time.”
“Thanks for pointing out my error. I think that is mistake #201 this week. I think I am doing better. How are you doing?”
“I wish I were perfect, but I guess I have to settle for being human.”
“Of course we don’t agree. I wasn’t born to agree. I’m learning to be agreeable.”
“I like this. That’s who likes it.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Before we get too far, can you tell me what your plans are for this project?”
“You know, it doesn’t seem my feelings are being taken into account. Let’s talk about this before things progress any further?”
“It’s really important to me that ____________ (fill in the blank). Are we on the same page with that?”
“I certainly respect your needs. I’d like to talk about this to make sure my needs are being met too.”
“I tend to be direct to avoid problems down the road. Let’s compare plans and make sure we’re in agreement.”
“This isn’t really what I had in mind. Can you tell me what you’re thinking so I can be sure we agree?”
