Trying to Follow DB & DR

[Miman2]

I don't really know how I can work on not controlling her without her around.

The best I've got in terms of making changes is taking care of the house, the cats, and myself. Trying to become the independent person I was before we met.

I haven't really been able to GAL other than see/talk to a couple of friends occasionally and going back to church. Nothing really exciting or new to speak of. I've been curbing back the gaming. It's hard to concentrate on them when my mind keeps screaming for the W.

Nope, no kids.

We were in contact a lot more the first week after the BD.

Week one
The day of the BD (friday) I did the typical begging/pleading. Then I went to the hotel she was staying at with the OC and did it again. She texted that night to see if I made it home okay, texted the next morning saying yes. She called sunday to see if i was at home. Told her if she needed more time I could stay with a friend. She said she needed more time.

She texted the next day (monday) angry that should couldn't find her passport that she needed for the vacation we were supposed to take the following week, she called the friend I was staying with asking why I took it. I didn't reply, just took the passport back to the apt.

I called her that thursday and gave her the "I'm sorry" talk. Told her I was going to therapy, told her I was writing notes of things I wanted to tell her, she said I should email them to her so she could see them. Started asking if she missed me, she didn't want to talk about it. I mentioned the vacation saying I hoped we could still go together, she tells me she cancelled it. I asked if we could remain in contact over a period of time, she said yeah I could call her and text her. She asked if I could go check on the cats. I said sure and went. I was texting her when I got back to the apt asking about what to do with stuff. She called me. We talked some more. I tried to keep her on the phone. After I left I got dumb and started asking about multiple charges on my credit card. She got defensive saying I was spying on her. I told her we needed to talk about money. Then she clammed up. 4 hours later she tells me she would call me on friday to talk about it.

Friday she calls late in the evening. We start agreeing on keeping our money separate but still trying to pay down debts we owned jointly. We tried to talk about splitting our phone bill and car insurance. She winds up telling me she'll just pay me (which I haven't seen any of yet). She mentions that since she cancelled the vacation that we'll get back money that'll will go back on the credit card.

We text a bit on saturday trying to cancel subscriptions and stuff so things don't keep getting charged to cards. I get an email asking for the confirmation on her flight for the vacation but not mine. I text her to ask her about it. She clams up again. Won't answer calls or texts.


Week two
Monday the day she left for vacation I call her to tell her I hope she has a good time, I'm not angry, not jealous and that I hope she's safe. I ask if we can talk when she gets back and she says "yeah maybe we can even get lunch". I ask her what she wants me to do with our bank account, if I should close it. She says no and that she wants me to move back into the apt. Saying she got her own. I try to ask her if this is just a S for now and she doesn't really have an answer.

I sent her texts while she was gone of the cats and telling her about some prescriptions that were ready for her and that I was thinking of her on her birthday.

Week three
She texted me the following monday long after her plane landed telling me she was back and asked about the cats. I told her it was good to hear she was safe and that the cats were fine and that i was staying with them.

She txts the next day asking if I did the taxes, I reply that I did and we got the refund back. I ask what she wants me to do with the money, she never replied.

She texts me LATE thursday night/friday morning asking if I was awake. I replied the next morning. She never replies. I call her late friday night, she says she was wondering how the cats and I were doing. I tell her about the cats, she mentions wanting to come pick stuff up. I tell her it's still her house she's welcome anytime and if she wants me to not be around when she is then just let me know and I'll be out. She says no that's okay. She asks about me and if I'm cooking for myself and still going to work regularly. She asks about any mail that's come in for her. We go over the mail and she tells me what to keep/toss. We talk about her parents for a while. She starts to say she has to go so I end the phone call.

That was the last direct contact I've had with her and that will be 3 weeks ago this Friday.

There was one time, two weeks ago, I was leaving IC and she was right in front of me in traffic. We were both heading in the same direction, so I was behind her for a little while. I pray to God she doesn't think I was stalking her. She's pretty unobservant about things going on around her so I don't think she saw me. Although since then I've discovered things missing in the apt so she stopped by at some point without letting me know.

I tried calling her this past saturday to talk about the cell phone bill but it just went straight to voice mail.