Do you understand your W is not the person she use to be? Her emotional affair has been serious enough to tear the M apart. You have no idea if she talks with the OM b/c all you know is what she decides to tell you. She is wayward. She is not the same woman now, and you do not have the marriage you had in the past.
Some people do not want to know the truth. Some men cannot handle seeing how many times his W and OM have made contact. Some cannot stand to read the conversations. I think you may be one of these men could not bear it. You had rather not know. You know yourself better, so if that it is the case then that is your personal choice. However, just b/c you are not informed with the complete truth, does not mean she has ended her EA. She could even have met another person on line, or more than one. It happened to me, and my H thought I was a good woman. I hope she finds her way out this mess, but it usually takes hard lessons and time.
You must take a different view or approach to how you deal with her at this time. You cannot trust her. It is not an issue of her trusting you. She is the one who broke the bond of trust in the M. You did not break your vows. The issue is not about her trusting you. She is the one who cannot be trusted. Do you understand what I mean? All of this has changed b/c of her waywardness. Do not make the mistake of switching roles. She is the guilty party, not you. She cheated, not you.
I don't understand what you mean about giving the old credit cards back.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
