Trying to Follow DB & DR

[Miman2]

Well it seems that a big issue for her was control. So I've been trying to let go of that.

I'm not interfering with anything she's doing during our S.

When we get back together I would like for her to be able to treat herself with the money she's earned.

I think I've prevented us from going to a lot of places and vacations because I tend to like for things to be planned out (control!) while the W has more of a "let's just do it" attitude. I want to be able to do more things for her in this regard. Not having to plan every detail out but be able to do things she wants to do.

I suppose I need to give her more room to do the things she wants to do that don't necessarily involve me. On rare occasion her coworkers would go out and she would go with them with me in tow. She'd comment afterwards something along the lines of "thanks for going with me. I know you don't like hanging out with us from work because all we do is talk about work." I would tell her I didn't mind but I guess I didn't stress it enough or I guess I didn't really need to be there. I thought we liked just having each other around.

I want to try to get back to doing the things we used to enjoy together. I feel guilty like she took on more of my hobbies than I took on of hers. I'd like to do more things she enjoys. She would ask if we could go workout and I would say I wanted to go in the mornings because by we would go after work I would be too tired to go. We talked about getting season tickets to the theater once but never went through with it.

I need to change how I speak my love to her and how receptive I am to how she speaks her love to me. One of the things I did over the many years is doubt the fact that she really loved me. I'd ask "if you really loved me how come you don't let me rub your hair or appreciate my touch" for example.

I need to be more independent in the R. I need to get back to the level of independence that I felt I had before we got together. I've come to rely on her too much to do things for me (she would make my doctor's appointments for me!!). This also includes me doing a larger part in taking care of the household, cooking, making sure I'm prepared and have all my stuff ready for the day. Taking care of the cats. Taking better care of my self, like shaving more often (she complained that I didn't shave often enough so kissing would hurt/bother her).

Am I missing anything? Any other suggestions on things I need to work on?