All I Wanna Do Is..Get A Little Closer #12

[Georgiabelle]

Have I ever told you guys that I need to be called on my caca? You guys do and a couple of my friends will, but for the most part people don't. I'm a little embarrassed about this next post. However, for authenticity and growth purposes, I think I need to share.

So I still see HG from time to time. We chat. I believe it was Bea who said when we are damaged, then we attract damaged people. I do agree. However, I have built this very nice 14 foot steel wall around my 5'4 self that surely I am safe, right? I can't let anyone hurt me so I will just shoot out a grenade from time to time if necessary.

I behaved badly yesterday(very)and went for the jugular with my sword as my friends call it. Without going into too much detail, I assumed HG was a way that he's not. He works in an industry which has lots of women fawning over and he said "that doesn't happen to me." To which I replied, "BS, HG. You are a freaking ___. You get more booty than a toilet seat." (That's the inner GB with all of the guy friends coming out)

He said to me, "WTF is wrong with you? I'm not you. I don't have people chasing after me. I've been rejected so much that I it is too much to handle." And some other stuff. That bravado that he had that I felt was false, came down like a house of cards. And I felt bad because I "assumed" this person was a certain way to keep myself safe. And this person has been hurt too.

I don't say this because I want to fix this. I say this because this person sees me in a way that I don't see myself and I saw him in a way the he doesn't see himself. And he has been hurt too. I was wrong to mind read and assume anything. I see many posters feeling "left behind" and that's normal. I see myself as rejected too. But everyone can feel rejection and we never know what someone feels unless we share. It's difficult to explain.

I don't know. I'm skipping parts of this but it was an eye opener for me. I still have much to learn.