Mighty - your expectations are not dumb - we have a right to expect better behaviour from our former partner and the father of our children. It is their problem they can't deliver.
Our problem arises from their failure to act. We call it expectation, because in a way it is, but it isn't 'wrong' for us to expect better behaviour. It is healthy that we do so!
Same with anger - normal to feel intense anger at being hurt or seeing our children treated badly. Yes he is an a**h*ole right now. And yes, anger can be damaging to us when it takes hold. But as an initial reaction? Frankly I would be concerned if you said 'but I am fine with this'.
They are broken, their behaviour is out of whack. We are OK to be upset and annoyed by it. But we have to let it go, and realise that this is 'normal' for them, never for us.
If that makes sense. Otherwise we tie ourselves in knots.
