I am still in marital BR with my WW (separate beds). I think I missed an opportunity after BD#2 in July: My W went to sleep on the sofa and I actually told her not too, because she always plays the martyr and I did not want her to do so again, and make me look like the villain to our children in the process. This was obviously before I found this site and began DB. Had I known, I probably would have encouraged her to remain out of our BR.
I know she is still seeing the OM and I know they were in our house together when I went away with the kids (I had her followed a few months ago), but I feel like the time to ask her to move out of marital BR has passed. I have been counseled by others(Ahoy, I think) in my previous thread to set a boundary and ask W to move out of BR. I have demurred because 1) I still don't want to be the villain; 2) I will miss out on the children: they often come to her bed in the middle of the night, but they spill into mine; 3) I worry that I am only doing it to be vindictive - which, as you mentioned, is never a good reason; and 4) I wonder whether could she use this action against me in mediation/divorce proceedings.
I have been focusing on detaching and I no longer confront her about her wayward behavior. So right now she has no boundaries that I can think of, and probably has no reason to respect me. I do not think I am doing a very good job of shocking her out of the fog.
Can you weigh in on whether I should still try to have her move out of the bedroom? Of course, there may be other mitigating factors that are specific to my sitch, but is there a specific time after which it is too late to set such a boundary? Is it still worth it? Is there any chance it would improve my sitch.
