How do you attain that knack for understanding the complexity of a situation and not getting lost in it.
Gwen, I have no idea, I didn’t know I have lol. I feel very lost in all of this MLC marlarkey. I have read everything I can and taken on board everyone’s advice here. Everyone’s sitch is different, I suppose I am fairly lucky as ironically h left for freedom and ended up tying himself down and I ended up with the freedom.
I listen to what the vets here advise. I have remained no contact, everything has come from him. I have made myself GAL and through that I have gained PMA. I also have to say that I have the best girlfriends in the world - my NZ ones kept me alive during the first few months and my UK ones let me cry, vent, hugged me, partied with me (lots), I have done things out of my comfort zone which has made me realise that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. l smile and laugh a lot now, something I never thought I would do ever again. I look back at how I was in the early months and I can’t believe that was me – a complete wreck, not even able to go grocery shopping without crying in the supermarket, not functioning at all, the begging and pleading for him to “try”, omg, mortification at the degrading things I did and said to try and keep him.
The biggest thing I have learnt is to "let it go" - seriously, you have no control over anything apart from yourself, your thoughts and your actions - so why stress about the things you can't control, there is no point. On my grave stone is going to be "there is something always around the corner - have faith it’s going to be something good". It may sound hippy Zen, but it’s true. If you have a bill to pay, then is worrying about it going to get it paid, nope, all that worrying does is make you ill - something will come along, somehow it will get paid and then all that worry was for nothing – I try and apply the same principle for everything now ….it’s taken me a long time to work this out, and I am far from perfect at doing it.
Gwen - I can assure you that the outer me is going along fine, making plans, making decisions and learning about the new world I now live in. The inner me is a mess, I still think about h all the time (more so when he contacts), I still hurt, heck I still have days of tears, wondering how he can prefer a short, fat, smoking, snorer over me; he has gone for someone who is everything he has never liked in a person ....is that an insult to me, or is that his craziness? IDK, but it hurts. One day I hope my inner and outer will catch up, if I keep the outer me going then when the inner me does catch up, wow, its going to be a beautiful sunshine life :o)
Gwen, you will find your way, you are a strong lady – I am on your journey with you. Every day find some good in the world, even if its 5 mins peace and quiet – I found listening to music helps, I have gathered an eclectic play list now, all the songs mean something to me – it’s funny, I can’t listen to the stuff I played in the early days because as my journey progresses the songs change – my girlfriend has Alanis Morrisette, she is renowned for I Hate All Men songs, she plays it at full volume and screams along to it in the car!!! Been there, done that ha ha.
