I am not terribly sure where to go with the attraction aspect. It was never about not doing housework (cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care, home improvements, groceries) or things for her, aside from seemingly doing too much of it (her claim of insufficiency). Maybe I was doing too much . . .
Yeah, that's more of what I was alluding to. While most (all?) women WANT -- and rightfully expect -- their husbands to do more around the house, it's generally an attraction turn-off if the man does TOO MUCH, especially if it's coming across as supplicating or as a "mental transaction" to get something in return (like sex).
I would try to take one of your old "beta" behaviors a week and replace it with one new "alpha" behavior, as an experiment. Then monitor the results.
Starsky
Makes sense. Thank you.
I grew up in a house where we had chores actually enforced, and I have been a rather independent person my entire life, and I do enjoy cooking. One of those things that comes second nature, along with my work ethic. In the past I have left things up to her, continually asked her to accomplish them, but she never would. I would wait a couple weeks, depending on the task, then just do it asking her why it never got done. I can clean the entire house in a couple hours. She takes two weeks to fold laundry. A lot of this, I attributed to her depression and chemical use. More recently I learned that her mother would not really enforce any cleaning or chores with her or her sister. She would say to do something, but then an hour later she would do it herself. W has a strong work ethic when she has a job, at home is a different story.
The laundry, I brought the hamper of clean clothes up to the living room and left them for her to fold. Lived out of that for a little while. She finally did fold them over the weekend. There is a huge pile of dishes and the dishwasher needs to be emptied. We were laughing over it last night actually. She can do that.
I will push the groceries when that comes up too. Request her to cook more often. She does make good food, when she actually does do it. She does complain about how small the kitchen is. I told her I would create more counter space for her to cook. Started on some of that this past weekend.
I do home improvements, everything outside, financially support the family, and make sure my stuff is cleaned up. Maybe I should just regress a little and see if she starts getting on me about not doing enough. I do not have a problem taking care of the child. I rather enjoy that normally.
