I wanted to articulate some of the things I have done that I am very proud of. One of my bad old habits was to be hyper - critical of myself and not see my own value. Mozza's post could have led me right back into that. So, here are some positives:
1) right after BD, I picked myself up, kept working and being a great mom. 2) I've been treating the depression and anxiety that have plagued me since childhood. I am no longer hyper - anxious about nearly everything. I cannot overestimate how huge this is. I managed to basically save my own life just when my world and future collapsed and I am very proud of that. I could have crumpled and fallen apart and I didn't. It took me a while to start DB'ing, mostly because I didn't know it existed, and partly because I was working on getting out of a major crisis and functioning. I'm not sure I had the capacity to DB at the beginning. 3) Led a week-long training last summer-- left my D for a week to do something new and challenging. 4) did a few home improvement projects, fixed some things, put new furniture together for my D (some of it single-handedly) 5) started baking again, and also have been cooking new dishes, experimenting, feeling more confident and relaxed in the kitchen. 6) have been enjoying work more and stressing about it less, even when it's not perfect. 7) reaching out to friends more--getting out to see friends (which I almost completely stopped doing after having a baby). 8) standing firm on certain boundaries... not taking the bait with H or my parents and getting into arguments. That's a good start.
