What struck me is that even while you were in your WW state, you seemed to understand it was a fog or an addiction. You were battling with what you felt and what you knew to be right. You were trying hard to steer towards loving your H again.
Do you think most WW's are aware of this? Or do you think they are trying hard not to look at it so they don't even realize how foggish they are?
Interesting question, and I'm not sure that I can give a qualified answer. For me, I didn't have the terminology or information related to these issues. I had read books for years on MR's, but not on this particular subject. Cadet gave a very good answer, and I would say that my fog had cleared just enough for me to reach out to this board for advice.
In my own case, timing played a vital role. After all this time, some of the details may get a little fuzzy, but I can look back and see how things came together to have its final and fullest impact to clear the fog. For example, I thought I could make my grown children believe their Dad was the bad guy, and I wa considering leaving the M for that reason. Well that idea was totally busted when my daughter told me she had known about OM for weeks.....and had read most of the computer history between me and the OM!! I was mortified! I couldn't blame anyone but myself b/c in my fogged out state, I had left the computer monitor open. Other things had been happening beforehand with the OM that was causing me some doubt about him, but I tried to make excuses. Combined with little things here & there with the information I was getting, being busted by my own carelessness and knowing "I" had destroyed the respect of my family was my personal "loss" that cracked the barrier, so to speak. It was at that moment the last of the fog lifted and consequences of my actions slapped me very hard in the face.
Maybe for other women, it happens all at once, IDK. Can't remember reading such a case. I do believe there can be a certain shock value to her awakening. The problem for a lot of newcomers is getting focused on what to do to shock the WW back, and it doesn't work well for them.
Sometimes, I think maybe I was somewhat an exception to what we usually hear. However, the main exception was my coming here to the board. Everything else was pretty much the same as other WW's.
Wish I could give you a more direct answer to your question.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
