It's Monday - not only the start of a new week, but a bunch of projects at work concluded on Friday and it was the start of spring - so all in all feels like time to take stock and maybe turn a page here.
I know a lot of posts lately have revolved around STBX - I'll get to my GAL here in a minute. I really thought about why the idea of STBX's apparent narrative that I am driving the bus about all things kid related bothers me so much - and I realize I am afraid that this is how he will present it to the kids and also how they might perceive it. And I have a lot of say in that. I'm going to stop giving it so much headspace, rebut him when appropriate and do my best to reinforce with the girls that they have two parents who love them and do the best that they can (even if I don't believe it sometimes). Then I will just trust that they are smart girls (they are my daughters after all ) and trust them.
Anyway - I don't talk a lot about my GAL activities which consist primarily of coaching D6's many athletic endeavors at the moment. Originally, I did this because I get to spend more quality with her, I come into contact more with the parents of her friends, and as coach, I get to set the practice times, which eases my logistical issues. Additionally I have found that I just absolutely enjoy it - all those happy kids have a very uplifting effect on my own PMA.
I have also been singing in the church choir, which allows me to spend a little extra time with my elderly mother who always says "I had no idea you could sing!". 44 years and she never noticed I have a pretty good set of pipes. Thanks, Mom.
Finally- I've been doing a lot of work related stuff- pursuing my PMP certification and various other healthcare certifications. It keeps my brain occupied and right now is a necessity to keep my career on the upswing.
All of this keeps me hopping - my calendar is a logistical wonder.
I mentioned last week that I am weary of "divorce" being such a major topic in my head all the time (still the first thing I think of when I wake up). And I still feel that way - just sort of worn out. I think I've been running at such an emotional peak for so long that I'm just plain tired. I'm not a "relaxing vacation" type of person. I like to see new things and learn stuff on my vacations. But for the first time in my life - I find myself fantasizing about just laying on a beach for a few days drinking something out of a coconut.....
) and trust them.
