I did realize that last night. I realized that I have made some mistakes. I want to learn from them. I want to improve myself no matter what happens. I have carried alot of baggage into my marriage from my childhood and my past. I used to just bottle it all up inside and deal with it. Unfortunately these things had a effect on how I deal with people and situations. I grew up in that cowboy life. You don't talk about your feelings. I was always right. My way is the right way. I have been out of that lifestyle for several years and I now see how it effects my relationships. It is hard to change after growing up a certain way. I am getting better, but have a long way to go.
The thing I have to work on through all this is to find a happy medium. Just like last night when I came to the realization about my actions in my marriage and how they have effected my wife. I started feeling guilty. I started feeling like this is all my fault. Once I get those feelings I start heading back to being a doormat. Luckily last night I did not act on any of my feelings other than to text my W about my D next practice. I am trusting in God through all this. I do believe my W has had a wayward heart long before her S graduated. She did lie to me for a year and half about our mortgage payments and she did a fine job. Some of that might have been because she did not want to tell me that she was not making enough money, who knows. The point is she has known my feelings on lying and trust as long as we have been together. And the end result was us losing our house. I made a choice to stick it out. I did not run to lawyer. I did not run to the arms of someone else. I remembered my VOWS! For better or for worse!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
