Wife Walked Away 10 Weeks Ago

[mahhhty]

Earlier, I wanted to add this text I got from my wife yesterday and get some advice on how to reply, but I had to leave to visit my daughter at college. They had a huge fund-raiser for Make-A-Wish Foundation. I had a good time!

GOOD! Keep doing these things. Get out of the house and Get A Life (GAL)! Be active in your environment and live every moment!

Here's my wife's text:
Listen, before this phone goes out, I don't want to leave things on bad terms. I would like to be on good terms after all this is over. If you can keep the townhouse, that would be great because then you could save the tree that has meant so much to both of us. I think we are both getting stressed out with this whole thing, I personally would like to get it all done as soon as possible. But the more paperwork, the longer and longer it streches out costing you more money! It's your choice. Take care of yourself as well, I hope you will have a good future.

You really need to read the LBH Thread, and study it. I don't fully understand from the text what she would like you to do. Can you elaborate?

Note that she wrote "Take care of yourself as well..." As I wrote in my previous posting, we do wish that to each other occasionally. She also wished me "a good future." Several days ago, I said something like, "no matter how this turns out, I wish you a good future." She sometimes will say she cares about me, but only after I say it first.

You need to stop saying it. You need to act like you have seen the light and understand that leaving her and moving on is the only way. You have to stop being her safety net. She wanted freedom, that comes with a reality check, that she got rid of you. Again read the LBH thread and Sandi's thirty something rules.

I don't know what to make of this. She seems to want her freedom at 51. True love means letting go, I know that. But this kills me because my wife never suggested we try counseling before making this decision. My children (her step-children) know that nobody is perfect, but they feel so hurt and confused. They saw, when we had them over every other weekend, the care I provided for my wife, wich any good husband would. I still think back to when we first spoke after she left. She mentioned a couple we know where the woman who filed changed her mind at their final court date.

It does hurt. And it [censored]. She does want freedom, she is fueled by resentment, rebellion and disrespect. She resents you, doesn't respect you, and is in the middle of rebelling against you. <--All covered in the LBH thread. It is possible that she changes her mind. However, you can't bank on that. Nor can you continue to think the way you have been... "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - ALBERT EINSTEIN

Is she giving me the gift of time to work on myself? Does she want to see if I'll truly let her go withour stretching this out? Of course, only she knows.

Yes you have the gift of time, which you need to take advantage of. Did she knowingly give you that gift, probably not. She is probably convinced she wants a D and therefore is doing this from a place of a wayward wife.

My children (18, 21 and 23) think I should forget about her and move on. They may be correct--but as those of you on this forum know--that is easier said than done.

Stop looking for validation from family members. Also do not try to win them over. They aren't in the relationship. As a father you need to reinforce their relationship with their mother. Take the high road here.

The bottom line, is that you need to meet this with compassion and strength. When your blood is boiling and you are hurt, do not respond to her. You will only be doing your future a disservice.