hold on! - 8

[u-turn]

I made her cry because of what I said. I wasn't shaming her or using angry words or tone. Actually almost a whisper - as I didn't want the kids to hear. I didn't say all of the things that were running through my mind because I didn't want to re-hash a year of pain, I didn't want to sound like I am not taking any responsibility and only pointing my finger at her. I didn't want to make a scene with this and take off my ring and hand it to her. I just wanted her to know.

30 minute conversation with the fewest words ever (maybe)

her: "what's on your mind?"
me: after much thought and clinched teeth. "I don't think we can move forward from this"
her: waiting for more
me: "I think I'm done W"
People that I have talked to here and in real life, I'll know when I'm done.
her: later after much pacing the room and crying. "will this make you happy?"
me: long pause "I don't know"

I know there is not much here, but she got it. Like I said, I don't think I need to go into the details (she should already know). She went to bed and I don't think she could make her look up. She knows that this is it, that we will never be the same. That this will not work. I don't know if she feels the pain that I have felt, but I think she may understand a little more. She knows that I don't give up like this.

She knows that I am defeated - if this is what she wanted to win, she won.

Painful for me, and maybe painful for her.

But I have to move on with my life, there are other people that need me, that value me, that have expectations of me that I am proud and happy to give to. (my kids, family, friends, students, clients, strangers....).

My school is undergoing a accreditation review for the next three days and I have to be on my best. wish me luck..