Devotion To A Dream 3

[phunguy]

I've come to understand there's nothing left for me to do. Inspite of all my good qualities, she hates me. My heart is broke but my soul is not. She sat at dinner tonight and was stone cold. I've loved a woman who has been incapable of giving me what I gave her and in the course of those events I became very angry with her. She wants to be the victim so she can go on feeling the way she does. She does not believe she can ever be happy in a R with me. It's incredibly difficult as I look back long wreckage of this M. Listening to her cover everything to maintain her position of me as the failure. What the worst thing for me is I can see it all so clearly now it's amazing to me how I couldn't see anything for the last year or more. Ive learned a lot over these last few months. I've learned to believe in myself, to forgive myself, to not be so angry, and most of all I've learned that I've got two strong legs and sometimes wings to fly. I'm not wasting no more time in this head space. I'm moving her out. I've been cheated and I've been lied to, I feel like I've been betrayed, deeply betrayed. It is going to be sometime before I'm fully over her but as of tonight I'm done for real 💔.

So I started these threads because one of my favorite bands has a song called Devotion to A Dream but I never really paid attention to all the lyrics truly meant. Over the last few weeks this song has come to show me what it all means. I hope it may help some of you.


(Anastasio/Marshall)
© Who Is She? Music (BMI)

no more promises that no one could keep
no more lies to keep us from sleep
no more phone calls when you don't say what you mean
I've got faith in a fairytale, devotion to a dream

it's today the vows are broken
it's today the charade is over
it's today the curtain's coming down

now the battle-lines are chosen
it's today my eyes are open
it's today the time to turn around

no more knowing glances or places we can hide
no more chances to keep this thing alive
the two of us together it wasn't in the grand scheme
all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream
devotion to a dream

no more promises no more keeping score
no more wondering what I stay here for
we broke the awkward silence with polite and practiced lies
while images occupied our minds

an uneventful voyage that stranded us upstream
all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream
devotion to a dream

yesterday my path was chosen
yesterday my smile was frozen
yesterday my doors were closing down

tomorrow I can cross the border
it's today a new world-order
yesterday my will was broken down

I'll ignore where this is leading
tomorrow glaciers are receding
now I'm mending things I broke inside

I'm completing thoughts unspoken
now I see that webs were woven
now I keep the windows open wide

it's today..."

Meeting with attny tomorrow to review some papers. I presume I'll file in the next week or so. I'll keep coming by to check in. I can't thank you all enough. It seems I found this place too late. Thank you all for caring.

Sandi,
I cannot thank you enough. I wish I could express to you what your posts have meant to me. In some of the darkest days of my life, you a stranger have helped more than anyone has helped me in my life for a long time. I will be eternally grateful for your straight talking kindness. I don't know what the future holds but I know that I am capable of good and great things and I intend to focus on being that for myself and my children. I have that courage now partly because of you. Thank you.

All of my sincerest respect,
Phunguy