I thought everything was okay....(Part 5)

[MCS]

Part 1 - Initial disappearance and NC from beginning by W, unsure of why W left, found out about OM, one weekend of talking about reconciling, then NC from W, initiate mediation
I thought everything was okay


Part 2 - Continued NC from W, further distance from W about kids, MCS figures out judgmental tendencies, W finally comes gets her things, stress over communication about kids
I thought everything was okay....(part 2)

Part 3 - MCS tries to figure out how to control his anger about the sitch. MCS thinks he's 'done' with DB by allowing himself to get too stern about communications about the kids. MCS finds that he's actually starting to detach (finally.) W reduces her NC at counseling and starts to ask MCS about how he's feeling and what he needs for closure.
I thought everything was okay (part 3)

Part 4 - MC continues to talk about the R, but there's really no progress in R. Is OM done? W starts to let down her wall and show how much emotional stress she's in. Interactions start to get better outside MC, but W shuts back down. MCS struggling whether to believe W about things that she says about BD, W downplays role of OM on her leaving.
I thought everything is okay (part 4)


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Well, Thread 5

I'm at a place that I'm not sure to continue DB or not. W and I are starting to talk about the R, but W just continues to blame me for all of her troubles. She's downplayed the role of OM in her leaving and now saying it was only because of me.

I know this is not true, but I'm not quite sure what to do.

If W is still Wayward, I see this as another ploy to manipulate me now that we finally are starting to talk about the R again. I see that through MC, we start to talk about issues, but there's no desire by her to assess, solve or anyway work on them. Its simply another forum that she says that I am at fault. I'm not sure if this is an act to keep going to MC to say that she 'tried' (I was told that she's really worried about 'abandonment' of me and the kids) To compound this, I'm not sure if OM is done or not.

If W is now a WAW, the things she is saying are far fetched and taken to an extreme, but I think I would need to validate them until she starts to think objectively about things. I'm simply not sure if she believes these things about how I'm a monster, but in order for us to push forward, I need to validate. I'm trying to show compassion, but some things that she says make me shake my head and then I tend to get angry because she says that issue is the barrier to why we can't communicate.

Examples:

1) If you remember, she told everyone I was stalking her a couple days after BD and said that's why she felt unsafe around me. In fact, I had called her and asked if she wanted to go to lunch and she said yes.

2) She told everyone that I tracked her every move for the last year (Funny, I must be horrible at tracking since I didn't realize that she was having an A that whole time)

3) Tells people that I'm setting up a Custody Battle and am trying to prove that she's an unfit mother.

It almost feels like she takes something small, like lunch, to an extreme and then tells everyone that's how I am...slowly people have stopped believing her and she's isolated herself for it.


So, I'm not quite sure what to do. We've went backwards in our communication and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. She's still coming to MC and we're talking about issues, but we don't seem to resolve anything at all. I'm not sure if I start to validate things she says that she's just going to use that as an excuse in her head that I 'knew' that she was miserable this whole time and just didn't care. I do think, she is starting to realize that I had no idea about her mind-set in the M or OM and that's why I think she may be doing this. The fog is lifted and the guilt may be starting to set in. IDK