Hi Tad. I'm sorry to hear things are difficult now. I want you to know that I understand. It was not too long ago that I felt very similarly to you. It is rough. For me, it was easier to just.... be that way. I didn't care so much that I did. But I knew deep down that I didn't want it to last.
Suggestions to do certain things were like hearing nails on a chalkboard. But, one thing I knew for certain was that I needed to see prof help. I stopped my ic in Nov, and had an appt with a new one, but there was a long waiting period between. I didn't get in until last week. I felt so much better. It was only a step, but it did help. I will be going regularly. Other things have helped, but I can feel myself back on the upswing. You can too, Tad. Make it simple... here I go... I'm about to make suggestions! Start small. Go for a walk. Every day. Get out... even if just for a little bit. Go out for coffee. Take a book or write. Bring a laptop. Post here. Do something while you are there. Just for a little bit. Maybe make it a once a week thing. Go to the library. When you go to these places, don't look down. Make eye contact. Say hello to people as you walk through the door together. It seems silly, but just simple human connection helps acclimate yourself back into.... life.
Tad, I didn't go grocery shopping for over a month. I have two teenagers. And they have friends over. I would send my son. Whenever I was going to go do something, I found a reason to talk myself out of it. This is not my personality at all!!! I am very talkative. Very outgoing. Always talked to EVERYONE! As a kid, I was very popular. My friends would say, you are friends with everyone! I knew people of all ages. I was always laughing and having fun. I was voted the funniest in my class. That is just me. So, to get to that place... it is hard. I guess my point is... it doesn't matter what we were as kids. We need to live for today. We need to work it out. You can do this, Tad.
My friends at work were talking to me about meeting someone. I thought about it and I knew that at the time, I didn't have anything to offer anyone. I knew I could. But that I couldn't access it. It seems like being with someone would make me feel better. But, I couldn't count on them to do that for me. That's not fair to them or me. I want to bring something to the table first. I want a healthy and happy r. In order for that to happen, I have to be healthy and happy myself.
So, I'm working on me. I have taken steps, and with everyone- it gets a little easier. Spring time is helping for sure. I have forced myself to do things. And, I have always been glad that I did afterword. Every time.
So, Tad, make an appointment first to see a prof. You have nothing to lose by doing that- and everything to gain. It is a long process... but one worth taking.
Then, start small, Tad. Let me know what you are doing. Take a walk by tomorrow, ok? If not that- something. Let me know what you decided. I'm going to check in.
As far as your s? Maybe he is watching you to see what you are going to do. Don't wait for him to make the move first. He is looking to you. Show him how its done. Even when the going gets tough. Push through, Tad. It's much better on the other side. I know it is hard to see. I also know that it is hard to care. But, I know you still do. There is a little flame in there... c'mon! The first step is the hardest. You can do this! We are behind you.
