Most of all, I want peace of mind. I want to be free of the fear and anxiety that comes with a major life change. I want to embrace the challenges that this new chapter presents as if it were a daring adventure, rather than a failure and retreat.
I bet this happens when your life starts feeling like you are driving it, rather than reacting to the conditions HIS choices have imposed. Perhaps like me you still feel like you are accommodating what he wants? Even if you're making your own choices, these aren't the ones you would have made on your own.
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But what I am less certain of is ever being able to trust again. I just don't know if that's possible. To love wholly, you have to be vulnerable. I'm not going to be able to do that for a long time, I suspect.
My attitude has become... if I love again (which I think we both will; we're pretty young!) it will be part of a long, deep friendship. A proven friendship. No quick trust. But under those circumstances, the vulnerability and trust will have been earned as we go.
Ahoy, my dear, it is nice to hear you vulnerable and hurting. Not because I wish you pain, but because the dissolution and decisions seemed to come so readily to you. You have been a sturdy lady; I've felt like a delicate flower in comparison to you. I worried that you were in too much shock. Sharing your pain here gives me more confidence that you will be OK.
Drive safely!!! And enjoy your trip!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
