Received a text late last night from W saying she's not dating anyone, she could if she wanted but doesnt. She wants me to find someone else as she is not interested in love anymore, she doesn't believe it exists, that it is simply a word that makes people expect to much from others. That its an excuse for selfishness. Without love their is no way to expect anything from anyone. It's much safer, and no need to worry about disappointing anyone. It's just simple. She doesn't want to be expected to behave a certain way. That she is just her and likes it that way.
This makes me feel she is very hurt over the past and doesn't want to love again...or probably just words that mean nothing...idk.
Is there any possible scenario that could make her willing to be open to us?...I feel very discouraged. I have been letting her toy with my emotions and actually believe she missed me and cared. I am just sad at this point. I know I need to regroup and refocus on me now, just hard to hear the things I have heard, get my hopes up, and then get smacked in the face with a reality stick.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
Hi Sandi. Yes I'm still around. I have been pretty discouraged lately. I know you say I need to drop the rope and i believe you, I'm just having a hard time doing it. Yesterday she asked if I could come get her for lunch. She wanted me to come into her office and we would go out. I agreed and went. We ate lunch and when I dropped her off she gave me a long passionate kiss, held my hand tightly, put her head in my chest for a bit and was tearing up. I know better than to take meaning from this and in my heart I know I am going against what I need to do as I haven't been able to detach fully...I keep allowing myself to get hurt as I can't imagine not seeing her.
I need to find the strength to back away and let go. I feel ashamed of myself for not holding my ground. That's all...and why I haven't posted lately as I'm not doing the right things.
Last edited by vdubber; 03/21/1506:44 PM.
M: 44 W: 45 Married 26 Together 28 D: 22, S: 18, S: 9, D: 7 S: 12/2013, seperate houses OM revealed first 10/2013, stopped seeing him OM revealed 1/2015, been going on for quite some time
We ate lunch and when I dropped her off she gave me a long passionate kiss, held my hand tightly, put her head in my chest for a bit and was tearing up.
That's the worst. That kind of stuff gets me every single time. I can't put myself in those situations right now.
Next time W ask, be mysterious. Tell her you appreciate the offer. You're just really busy.
DO NOT tell her "it's too soon, painful, sad, etc.". I've made that mistake....not good.
M:42 W:43 T:14 M:10 S:9 D:5 W filed 12/22/14 EA 12/31/14 PA 4/10/15 D final 5/13/15
Vdub- we all get it. I would just use this thought to challenge yourself:
If you can't detach from WW when you know it is a requirement to give your M any chance...how can you expect your WW to detach from OM in the same circumstances?
My mantra has always been to ACT WITH THE CHARACTER YOU WISH SHE HAD. If you can't do it then this love triangle will continue.
It's ok to feel weak, as long as you ACT strong.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
If you can't detach from WW when you know it is a requirement to give your M any chance...how can you expect your WW to detach from OM in the same circumstances?
My mantra has always been to ACT WITH THE CHARACTER YOU WISH SHE HAD. If you can't do it then this love triangle will continue.
Excellent!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
