Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

I don't know why I can't edit posts at the moment, maybe it's because I'm switching between mobile and PC, but anyway; something I read in both DR and Connecting Through Yes is that when you do something new you might initially meet anger and it's important to look past this initial behaviour to see if things change in the following days. I think today may be a case of that. Although W cooled slightly during the call (not a lot really) she did seem intent on trying to 'wind me up' so we could engage in our usual form of back and forth, tit for tat 'debates'. I didn't cave into that and instead kept things on the level for the most part, validating and forming agreements with whatever she was saying. She kept persisting with her points of view, trying to lure me in, but I resisted. It will be interesting to see how the next few interactions pan out. I know I need to be consistent. I have gone a week now of getting upset, no anger, out for tea and that went well.

Ah, it's come to me what I wanted to write. I wonder to what degree she is keeping me back as plan B. For all her proclamations of not loving me anymore, she has kept completely quiet on the OM front. Why would that matter if she had moved on? When I've mentioned things that would be considered moving on, such as turning the electric off in our old house, saying I wouldn't want her to be in a relationship if she was unhappy, and a few other things that she has mentioned or done such as the thing over the car bought post S being our car, it all seems strange. Maybe she doesn't really know where she stands feelings wise deep down. She is certainly acting like she couldn't care less. When I mentioned hurting myself she came back later with something like 'how do you think it feels to hear from your husband that he is going to leave you all alone to bring our children up'. I don't want to read too much into all these things but they do have me thinking sometimes.