I haven't been able to avoid rumination. But your post reminded me to focus on my feelings instead of my thoughts-- and I feel awful! Constantly. W has spent three of the last three nights overnight at OM's apartment.
We had agreed in MC not to discuss D for two months because I wanted to be able to focus on my job hunt and forget (for a while) that the A was happening. But W has made that impossible-- not by her staying away, actually, but by doing so while coming home occasionally and maintaining a presence here. It would be easier if she were just gone.
I'm not going to guess whether filing the D papers is successful DB "tough love" or unsuccessful DB because I'm not letting her do what she wants. What I do know is that allowing her to have an unrestricted A right in front of my face has put me in a state of constant, heightened anxiety. I also know, therefore, that filing for D is acting on my feelings. However, when I think about it rationally, I realize that it will be a long, long time before she feels any regret (much less remorse) for her actions. And I don't want to continue living with this awful feeling while I wait it out, because of how destructive it is to my ability to function on a daily basis.
So tomorrow I will verify that I have all the forms ready to file and steps ready to take, and then the next day I will use the MC session to initiate the division of assets and D filing.
