Trying to Follow DB & DR

[Miman2]

"I'd like to leave it all behind, I could try to give the poly thing another shot maybe."

Really? Then you'll find yourself in the same problem again.

"Before the BD I had said on occasion that I wished we could go back to our pure/innocent times before we started in the lifestyle. "

That's the key to what you really want. That lifestyle just ruined your M.

Therein lies my dilemma. If you leave out the fact that she's with OM/OW everything about the situation lines up with everything MWD has written about WAW syndrome.

To quote DR pg. 39, " And with that, they plan their escape. The interesting thing about this plan is that it usually hinges on a particular event that may take years to materialize."

Like I mentioned before she had certain item packed that she had no reason to have packed, unless she already had that plan in place. She just needed the event which kicked her plan into action. I think the fact that it seemed like I was trying to call the whole poly thing off was her kick.

In the weeks leading up to the BD she kept reiterating that the poly thing was something she wanted to do. Now she had someone else to support her emotionally (and physically) when she put "the plan" into action.

It was really only after she left and continued to see the OM/OW did it go from being something condoned into an A.

So my dilemma is this, how do I best deal with the situation?

By MWD writings I treat her as a WAW. The W's words when she left follow the WAW script to a T. The issues around the house where she had been complaining and then stopped, the ILYBINILWY, the "I think we want different things from life".

By Sandi's description she's a WW. Because she's shoulders deep in an EA/PA.

Either way we're separated so I'm trying my hardest to apply the LRT.

The W seemed convinced that she wanted a poly relationship and I could give it another chance, if I didn't feel like my W was emotionally distant from me during it. I don't feel it was ruined our M, I did that by not being the husband my W needed. Because of that she became a WAW and I feel like she was emotionally distant because she had put together "the plan".

I feel that by treating the situation as a WAW, I'm directly dealing with the issues that my W has mentioned as the reason for wanting our S/D. Those issues were ALL my fault and my doing (or not doing as the case may be).

By treating the situation as a WW, I feel I'm throwing a majority of the fault back on my W. Sandi's suggestion to draw a line in the sand and stand my ground about the EA/PA doesn't make sense when I sit down and try to logically think about the major complaints that lead my W to this point.

So I LRT, GAL, and try to figure out every 180 I can do so I can be the H my W (or the next one) deserves.

In going back and reading other people's success stories I've seen 5LL mentioned. I've realized that mine and my W's LL were DRASTICALLY different and it was something that I complained a lot about during our R. Has any read both the regular and men's version of 5LL? Is one generally better than the other?