Trying to Follow DB & DR

[MrBond]

"I'd like to leave it all behind, I could try to give the poly thing another shot maybe."

Really? Then you'll find yourself in the same problem again.

"Before the BD I had said on occasion that I wished we could go back to our pure/innocent times before we started in the lifestyle. "

That's the key to what you really want. That lifestyle just ruined your M.

You're going to have to decide on what you want and stick with it.