Onwards and upwards.

[Barry]

Hi Kramer, our sentiments our similar even if not our sitch's.
I've seen it said many times before (and had it said to me) that you should be careful what you wish for.
In some ways, it's more difficult to DB your way out of a sitch where this is no OP.

There is no OM drawing my WAW away from me (see my post above reference best friend and EA though).
If there were, I'd have had a clearer run at this. I think that's the crucial part of my sitch in that there is no OM, there was never any abuse on either part, we didn't even really argue above and beyond what would be considered normal or even healthy in the build-up to this. She just gave up on us.

I don't believe that couples just drift apart over time.
One or both of them know it's happening, but unless BOTH of them are willing and able to recognise it, communicate effectively on the issue, action a plan, monitor the results, and change the plan as necessary to ensure the best results - they actually push each other away. You have a wayward W, I have a walk-away wife, but the end result is the same - we find ourselves in the same place emotionally in either sitch.

We need to heal and to protect ourselves. No-one can do that for us, and we can only control ourselves. Our actions however will have an impact on our W's, our children (in my case), our in-laws, and our chances of possible R in the future.

Your WW has filed against you, and I urge you to protect yourself by whatever means necessary. I will file against my WAW for financial reasons only (I'm getting the better deal out of the two of us, such is her offer). If there a way to not D her, but protect myself legally from the possible her in the future, I'd do it. Sadly that isn't the case in the UK so this is why I've made peace with my decision.

How I justify that to myself is a means to an end in my quest for detachment. I have actually told my W that I WILL move on without her but that I'd always be open to a discussion about R in the future. This is how I feel right now.

As I reflect on Mozza's and RD's posts above, it is true that in a years time, who knows where both of us will be. I'm not looking for anyone else that much is true now. W says she isn't either and to her credit, she shows no signs of looking for any kind of relationship. Anything is possible though in as you say, the uncharted and unwanted territory of our immediate futures without our W's.

I wish you lots of luck in your sitch, and that you find peace in whatever the outcome.

Barry.