Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

Hmm I installed an IM app a while back. It uses phone contacts to add 'friends'. My W and OM (cos I got his number when BD'd) are both online. I haven't really used this app but opened it to have a nosey (I signed up to Twitter today, incidentally). The IM app shows the last time a user was online. I looked and noticed that both W and OM were online last at the very same minute.

Coincidence? Maybe. Who knows?
Funnily enough although I have had a pang of sadness about this, the overriding emotion is one of 'what will be will be'. Although I love W dearly, I guess this is the first stages of detaching - realising I'm not in control of her actions and there's nothing I can do. Actually understanding that, grasping it on a fundamental level, is quite empowering as it shows I'm not limited in my emotions by the actions of this one person. Like DB and DR say, I can.choose how to respond to emotion. In this case there isn't an awful lot of emotion but what there is I'm choosing to deal with through indifference.

Come what may my life will go on. I am a good person, most people think funny and witty, and I will always have my beautiful children to love, and the rest of my life to live.

Maybe this has come from beginning to toughen up in response to my W's actions, and maybe it won't last (I'm sure there will be wobbles) but right now I feel quite calm and at peace with things.