Wife Walked Away 10 Weeks Ago

[Bob723]

Hello mahhhty,

You, more than anyone on this board, have invested so much time in me. I truly thank God for you -- and all who have replied to my posts. I remember you have mentioned before to come here before responding to any text. I know I blew it! i was so upset about the way she's been handing business matters.

This is a BAD excuse, but nothing much was going on for a while plue I got unusually busy. Anyway, here I am.

I didn't take anything you said as harsh, you are trying to help my, my friend. And, yes, you knew I would read on!

We both have a part in this divorce. Seriously. You said that? Pursuing! By you saying it, she will never have to face this reality. B/C you are proving her RIGHT!

My comment: Yes, I did. I didn't think of it as pursuing. She has never owned up to 1 thing in our marriage, and I guess it just finally boiled over in me. I have to run in by the board and have more self-restraint.

It's actually really sad for me to hear that you don't sound very happy. oh that will make her feel better. NOT!

My comment: can you please elaborate a little mahhhty? I thought I was being supportive. My guess is that it's manipulative???

Maybe I wasn't the entire cause of all your unhappiness? Couldn't the MS, ruptured disks, and migraine headaches have something to do with it too? I did my best to support a spouse with many physical ailments--something you'll probably never understand. SERIOUSLY!!!! CONDESCENDING! MEAN! AND ONE SIDED! Guess what the flip side of this is that YOU have NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR HER! For better or for worst. Right and Wrong DO NOT MATTER! You are digging yourself a hole!

My comment: Reading it again, you are correct. It was in repsonse to her statement that she's in an MS relapse and I'll never understand. By making that point, I thought she might see things from my side a bit. But mahhhty, that was adumb thing to send her!

I can look myself in the mirror and say that I did my best. What was the point of this statement? Who are you trying to convince? You or her?

My comment: Honestly, I wasn't trying to convince anyone. Again, you brought up a great point.

Silly me Condescending!!!! She is an adult. Treat her like one. Perhaps you should treat her as a coworker at this point.

My comment: It's a statement she uses a lot. Now that I think more deeply about it, I don't care for it much myself when she says it, although I never felt it was condescending. Well, that's 1 phrase I'll never use again!!

I thought if I got the proper help you'd look back and be compassionate and understanding and realize that that wasn't the true Bob around the time you left. That is your game plan and you just told her it.

My comment: Oh no!! I added that in there because, you may recall, she had lightly hinted a few times I should seek therapy. She also, most of our marriage, was vry compassionate. Oh no, again! Darn!

The great part of all of this is I feel so much better about myself and look forward to a wonderful future--with or without you. Do you? Really? You are a better Bob and feel so much better with your life? I would assume that you are lying.

My comment: Honestly, of course I still would love to reconcile with my wife. But it looks like she is not going to change her mind. There are stetches of a few days were I do feel better and realize this is a process. So, good assumption on your part, but I feel like I was being honest. Now, my wife may think I'm lying. So again, you raise a great point.

Take care, please. Do you really mean that? Or where you being mean?

My comment: Yes, I do from the bottom of my heart. Both of us, at times, end a phone conversation (not many of those lately) or a text with that wish.

I will read everything ever written by Sandi (especially recently on Left Behind Husbands (LBH)) and stop sending texts without consultation.

Wow, you are truly amazing and an inspiration to me!

Thank you for your time and especially your honesty.

Bob