Complex No. 6 - The turtle and the rabbit

[Complex]

I agree. I finally feel the detachment I need, but I didn't really let her go yet.
The thing is it feels like such a burden to find the right balance between letting go and cooperation. She basically expects cooperation, or she gets very very frustrated and angry.
She told me yesterday that she wants to get D done asap because she wants to move on with her life and that she is so frustrated because she wants to see some kind of a schedule when we are going to separate physically. Sounds like she is in a limbo herself and this stresses her greatly.

If I could 'convince' her of a LS instead of a D, that would be very beneficial. Health insurance...plus it's still not 100% final. D is. So I think it's ok to move that direction instead of letting her decide it alone.

So part of showing my maturity etc and changing the image she has of me (which is ridiculously bad right now it feels like) would be to at least work on some kind of separation plan, make some financial calculations etc, thinking more about my own future...plus I have to truly let her go. Which I thought I did, but appearantly not enough.
What I did the last couple weeks was building trust back and be easy going and upbeat with her, to at least create a better atmosphere and slowly reconcile at least what's left of our friendship. I was very cautios. But now it more seems like even that is completely destroyed...by her. She wants to get away from me.
She gave me a feeling as if I would be such a bad person. This crosses my boundaries because I'm not going to let her talk me down like this. I know what I am worth and what a good person I am. Not going to let that anyone take away from me anymore.

And honestly. I did/am doing all the right things action wise. Communication wise I'm still a little cheeseless. So I have to be careful.
Time to focus some more on my things and blending out the M.
Right now I DO all these things for myself, but I also do them because I want to save my M. Maybe I should give that up and be completely over my M. The end.
I think this would reallybhelp me. Whatever happens then, no one knows anyway.